Ça (film) - Bolt
Feb. 15th, 2020 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
andysssCommentaire : cette fic est en anglais et a été écrite dans le cadre d'un échange de St Valentin sur ao3.
"I would like to surprise him. I...I know he waited for me a long time and..."
"We all forgot, it's not like he really waited for you" Bev said softly on the screen of the computer.
"I don't know." Eddie answered by lowering his head. The others - Bill, Bev, Mike - stared at him in the chat window - three webcams opened in one window. "Sometimes...it looks like how we put our lives in brackets. I mean...I mean emotionnally at least. "
Bev nodded in agreement and Bill spoke softly :
"I think I can understand. With the memories, it's all a p-part of us we fffforgot, so...sometimes these 27 years don't...don't look real. Like it happened to another person...like if this experience changes us so deeply forgetting it made us...regressing, in a way...like if we lose a big chunk of our personnalities. Ourselves."
"It's weird." Mike said, lost for words.
Eddie frowned, thinking about what to say next.
"Richie...he looks...sometimes...like he waited for me. Even if he didn't remember anything...he can be...I don't know how say that. Like if he missed me for years and it's...kinda sad ? I..."
He laughed to himself, feeling uneasy because the others were listening quietly and he realized he poured his heart in this conversation.
But they were his friends and it was safe so he kept talking.
"I want to do something to prove him he is not alone in this. I feel in the same way. I feel...like I finally can fucking breath ! He is...he is that for me !"
Bev smiled to him and he knew she understood. Ben saved her in a way only Eddie and her could understand. He made her remember how much she was strong and brave. Just like Richie did for Eddie.
"Spaghettiiiiii I'm home darling, love of my life, mozarella in my pizza !!!"
Mike burst in laughs and Bill followed. Richie entered in the room and came behind Eddie to greet their friends.
"Heya Losers ! How sad was this chat without me ?"
"We don't need you to have fun, dickhead !" Eddie growled.
Richie kissed his forehead, making him reddening like a lobster in a pressure cooker.
"I know you need me to have fun Eds." Richie whispered in a sultry tone, kissing the corner of his lips, his jaw.
"I'm going to end you !" Eddie threatened with a dark glare.
"Richie, we were asking Eddie if you will do something for the Lovers day." Bev claimed.
Richie laughed, losing his focus on the hickey he was trying to put on his angry boyfriend.
"What ? Valentine's Day ? It's cheesy and grossly commercial. Eddie and I are not the consenting victims of the capitalism !!"
"Beware Richie, you talk like a bolchevik." Bill teased.
"Bolchevik and proud of it Tovarish !" Richie answered with a ridiculous russian accent.
"I have to take a leak." Eddie interrupted.
He stood up, all rigid, and past Richie without a glance.
Richie shrugged and took his seat in front the computer.
"What the fuck is wrong with him ?"
"Well...you're really bad at deciphering the atmosphere, aren't you ?" Bev scolded him fondly
Eddie sat on the toilet and called the restaurant to cancel his reservation. He felt really stupid. Of course Richie didn't want do something special for St Valentin. What did he expect ? Richie was not the romantic kind.
He still loved him but it was a little hurtful because he really wanted to show him how much. It was the perfect opportunity, especially because it was almost their first anniversary of relationshhip - yes Eddie had counted.
"Hello, Edward Kaspbrak here. I did a special reservation for friday. I would want to cancel it."
He cringed when the receptionist asked if it was a table for two.
"Of course it was for two ! What do you think people do on Valentine's Day ?!"
After some confused apologies, the call ended and Eddie felt a little remorseful . He had snapped to her because his mood was ruined but it was not her fault.
After turning off skype, Richie sighed. Eddie was still in the bathroom so maybe he was constipated, or maybe he was upset. It was an odd thing Eddie did when he was annoyed but also anxious. With Richie, he could yell and be angry, Richie didn't mind, they could handle some disputes, he could yell too, and they could find a compromise. But when Eddie was in this state of mind, it was more complicated. Sometimes, Richie wondered if it was how Eddie managed his frustration with Myra, when she did something which hurt him but he felt like he couldn't tell her. Richie wouldn't want their relationship look like Eddie's ex marriage. He wanted Eddie feeling safe to express himself freely, even if it had to be rude and loud. Richie knew how deal witv it, he knew Eddie, knew how make him relax, they got along very well so...
It was very concerning when Eddie did that shit. It reminded Richie about how Eddie was unhappy in his marriage and how he could be unhappy with him too, if he did the same mistakes Myra did.
Of course he was not like Myra but...he still had lot of issues with communicating feelings. Probably because he repressed this shit all his life so he was bad at showing affection.
Eddie deserved better.
The thought made Richie grimace. Here we go again, self esteem issues and depressive mood, good friends, happy to see you !
He sighed a second time and took his cellular. Searched in his contacts and put his thumb on The Man.
One ring. Two ring...🎵
"This is Stanley Uris speaking."
"I know who I'm calling, Stanley, what the fuck ?"
"I'm at work, Richie. So...are you calling me because you were a prick and said in front to Eddie you think Valentine's day is stupid ?"
"I didn't say that ! And wait, how do you know we talk about it ??" Richie defended himself, offended.
"Bev sent me a text because she guessed you would call me so she wanted me to persuade you that Valentine's day is a perfect occasion to express your feelings to your lover..."
Richie rolled his eyes.
"Enough with this bullshit."
He heard Stan snickering.
"Seriously dude...I agree with you. I think it's commercial, it's fake and it's annoying to see everyone puking pink hearts all day long. But you know what ?"
Richie held his breath.
"If Patty wanted to celebrate it, I would jump on the opportunity. Because I just need one reason to spoil the person I love and show her all my appreciation."
Stan stayed quiet one moment then added softly :
"I guess Eddie is just like me. This is why I think you're a dick."
"Eddie loves my dick." Richie whispered in the phone with a grin.
"Ew, stay away from me Tozier !"
"Me too, I love you !"
"Don't tell me !" Stanley scolded him. "Tell that to him, you idiot !"
"I'm not idiot." Richie grumbled. "It's just...we are not the lovey dovey kind of couple. We are more like...Han and Leia in Star Wars."
"Antagonistic, yeah, I get that. But it doesn't mean you are forbidden to do something romantic for once."
"Do you mean...putting myself in carbonite ?"
"I mean saying I Love You before your lover is put in carbonite, yeah." Stanley sassed him.
"OMG Stanley, you watched The Empire Strikes Back !?"
"I'm an accountant Richie, not a caveman. I have to hang up now. Be nice."
"Always." Richie said and smiled. "Thank you man."
He turned off his phone and rolled on the bed. Eddie made the bed every morning, it was pretty new for Richie. It felt weird to see his room clean, neat and tidy. It was just one of the little revolutions Eddie was responsible in Richie's life.
On his belly, he pouted and drew a smiley on the blanket. Stanley was right, he should be listening of Eddie's needs. Especially because Eddie never had a relationship with a man before, so they need to be in tune with each other or they would run in a brick wall. It was important to Richie understand that Eddie didn't know how act sometimes and feel awkward. Their relationship was very natural and comfortable, they were lucky, but he had to not forget it's new for both of them even after all these months and they need to adapt.
Suddenly, Richie tried to remember how many times they were together. Maybe one year. Approximatively. Like their first kiss was in March so....
"Fuck, I AM an idiot." Richie mumbled by hiding his face in the blanket. "Fuck...It was...so fast ?"
He looked in the direction of the bathroom. In fact, he really wanted to smooch this small and cute motherfucker, pamper him and romance his sexy ass. It was not easy because they never were like that. All the romantic stuff. It was not like he didn't desire, from the bottom of his heart, being a big sap – because deeply, he knew he could be the biggest sap – but he feared Eddie's reaction.
But maybe Eddie craved for it too. Maybe Eddie needed that, needed Richie showering him of roses and love declarations. It was a year of tests : how they could live together, have sex, handle each other, learn to be fonctional and happy...Maybe today was time for the evidences, time to prove it was not just a test. It was a long-term commitment.
"Shit, shit, shit..." Richie got up.
He walked to the closed door and knocked.
Panic was gradually spreading its grip on Eddie. When he was with Myra, she could make a scene because he forgot her birthday, or to buy her flowers for Valentine's day. He lived under this constant pressure he needed to show fake demonstration of love – it was not like he didn't love Myra, but the romantic gestures were not his style and damn a birthday is just a fucking date !
He loved Richie, tons more than Myra, and had discovered he wanted to show him – he started to understand why it was so important for Myra. He realized he loved snuggling in bed and listening Richie whispering sweet nothing when he thought Eddie slept, loved Richie watching him in awe and joking just for him, just to make him laugh. It was the kind of romantism Richie expressed, and Eddie wanted to reciprocate. Clumsily, apparently, because Richie worded his disdain for Valentine's day, he probably didn't want Eddie's awkward demonstrations of love.
But what Eddie could do for him ? To make a compensation for all the happiness he felt during this past year ?
He started to feel useless, unlovable and ridiculous. It was not a nice sentiment and being so insecure is the contrary of sexy. He didn't know if Richie could like him like this. Richie knew he was a crippling anxious mess, but he loved him fierce, loud and defensive. Not...like that, hiding in the bathroom, on the verge of crying for a stupid cancellation.
Eddie patted his cheeks, trying to stay calm, to build a new composure. Yes it was disappointing but it was not the end of the world.
The knock at the door interrupted his self reassurance mental speech.
"Eds, can I come in ?"
"Why ?" Eddie groaned.
"I want to see you taking a shit."
Eddie threw toilet paper roll to the door when Richie was opening it.
"Go away ! We talked about needing private times sometimes, didn't we ?"
"But I want to participate in your private time." Richie whined.
He finally entered the room. Eddie rolled his eyes :
"It's too small for two here. If you need to piss, you could say it, I..."
"I was serious, Eddie, I mean it, I...about your private..."
"For God sake Richie, it's not..."
"Stop !" Richie cut him.
He sighed deeply and put a knee on the ground. Eddie stared to him with exasperation and curiosity.
"Listen, I...I wanted to...I want you to know I love you."
He lowered his eyes, like if what he said was shameful, even if Eddie heard it hundred times.
"I love you and..." He scoffed, avoiding looking at his face "You know how I am, I...I always brag like I didn't have any feelings, like if anything is a joke but...the truth is, Eddie...I love you so much I can't breath sometimes. I love you and I would want to scream it everytime, make everyone know it, I love you so much, it's-it's insane, I know it's insane, and I'm angry at myself because it's creepy to be so needy and thirsty, I mean, I know you don't like a sticky lover, I..." His voice became throaty "I don't want to be a Myra number two, I know you need space, and private times, and I respect that. I...I didn't expect you could want do something for Valentine's day, to be honest, I expect you to give me shit if I...if I..."
Eddie felt an immense wave of relief clean his fears. He caressed Richie's cheek to have his attention.
"Rich...I will not giving you shit for something like that. I can be a little...mocking, yes, but if you talk like that, I have no reason to hurt you."
"It's hard to...talk like that, like you say." Richie muttered, blushing a little.
It was kind of cute, the way Richie looked shy and flustered. It was very rare to see him so vulnerable and Eddie wondered if he was like that because him. He never saw him like that with other people, even in stressful situations.
He opened his legs so he could hug Richie between his knees, and still sit on the lid of the toilet seat.
"I love you too. I'm sorry if my attitude made you worried. I'm okay."
"You don't have to be always okay with the shit I do, Eds." Richie murmured in his neck. "You can tell me if I'm annoying or if I frustrate you. I prefer when you say it, so I can apology."
"It was not... » Eddie started. He stopped, reflecting about how to explain. "I didn't even know I wanted to celebrate it. I agree with you : it's commercial. But...I don't know, I was...kinda, genuinely happy to celebrate it with you and surprising you. I...love to surprise you, love your smile, love to make you understand. You are so precious and you...you don't even know that, you always are so self deprecating and...urgh !"
The intimacy and the fragility behind his words made Eddie cringe, but Richie stayed quiet. They didn't move for several minutes, until the lid of the toilet seat collapsed with a loud crack.
"HOLY SHIT !!!"
Richie burst in laugh while Eddie tried to extract himself from the mess of plastic.
"Here, for you Eddie baby." Richie said between two fits of laughter, putting a small box in Eddie's hands.
"Don't call me that." Eddie growled while opening the box. He was acting like he was tough, but in fact he didn't have any air left in his lungs, because the anxiety was back : what was this box ? It looked like a jewel box. It was too big for a ring but and if, and if...
"Okay." Eddie said with zero expression, trying his best to hide his deception. "What the fuck is this ?"
"It's a bolt." Richie answered, eyes sparkling mischeviously behind his glasses.
"A...bolt. Why do you give me a bolt ?"
Richie smiled softly and took it from the box. He took Eddie's hand and slowly, he slipped the bolt on his auricular.
"It's too soon for my proposal. And I guess, too soon for betrothal too. But consider this like my way to ask you to be my Valentine. For friday...and the future years."
He frowned, making this funny face Eddie adored.
"Dude, it's too tight, my finger hurts."
"My heart hurts too, hearing you calling me Dude during a romantic moment ! You know what ? The next time, I will call you Dude and we will see how much you like that !"
Eddie laughed.
"You're an asshole !"
Richie smiled to him.
"And you are worse !"
In the bedroom, a bookshelf missing its bolt crumbled loudly.
Richie grimaced, guilty at charge.
"Oops."
